By Alan Graner
There are many reasons to insult someone:
- They’re stupid.
- They’re irritating.
- They question or don’t believe you.
- They act superior.
- They’re disrespectful.
- They criticize you.
- They’re right.
Whatever the reason, chances are you respond to these missologists with pedestrian and uninspired retorts such as:
- Oh yeah?
- So’s your old man!
- F*** you!
Responses that, you must admit, lack a certain panache.
How much better to insult them to their face without they’re being aware of it (other than to stupidly say, “Hey, did you just insult me?”).
Herewith are 19 perfectly good insult words culled from the book Dimboxes, Epopts, and Other Quidams by David Grambs. They are all nouns. Feel free to convert them to adjectives.
- Atrabilarian (at’rǝ bi lâr’ē ǝn): a gloomy hypochondriac.
- Badaud (bä dō‘): an idle, stupid person, gullible, a half-witted gossip
- Cunctator (kungk’tā tǝr): a procrastinator
- Eedysiast (ek diz’ ē ǝst): a stripteaser
- Fefnicute (fef’ nǝ kyōōt’): a hypocrite or sneak
- Fustilugs (fus’ tǝ lugz’): a grossly fat person
- Gobemouche (gôb mōōsh’); gullible person who will believe almost anything.
- Hibinder (hī’ bīn’ dǝr): a shady person engaged in corruption, fraud or swindling
- Jehu (jē’ hyōō’): a fast or reckless driver
- Lexiphanes (lek sif’ ǝ nēz’: a pretentious person with an inflated ego and inflated vocabulary
- Melcryptovestimentaphile (mel kript’ ō vest’ ǝ men’ tǝ fīl’): a male with a healthy (or unhealthy) attraction to women’s black underwear
- Misologist (mi sol’ǝ jist): Stubborn person who hates any rational discussion or honest argument about an issue
- Niddering (nid’ ǝr ing): a coward
- Pithecoid (pith’ ǝ koid): someone who resembles a monkey or ape
- Psychasthenic (si’kas then’ik): a haplessly weak character lacking decisiveness and forcefulness
- Quidnunc (kwid’ nungk’): a gossip
- Ripesuck (rīp’ suk): a person who can be easily bribed
- Snollygoster (snoll’ē gos’tǝr): unscrupulous opportunist
- Ultracrepidarian (ul’ tra krep’e dâr’e ǝn): a presumptuous overachiever who discusses something outside his/her knowledge or field of expertise…but shouldn’t.
Any insightful insults you’d like to add?
Alan Graner is Chief Creative Officer at Daly-Swartz Public Relations, an Orange County, CA business public relations and marketing content firm. For content that makes you stand out from the crowd, email Jeffrey Swartz at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or visit www.dsprel.com.