By Alan Graner
With Business Jargon you’re never at a loss for words…because all the words you need are pre-fabricated (often in the correct grammatical order).
The purpose of Business Jargon
Business Jargon is designed to make you sound knowledgeable without having to know anything. It is a refuge, a safe haven that protects you from ridicule and criticism because, if used properly, no one will actually know what you’re saying. (Assuming this is not currently true.)
My friend Laszlo (not his/her real name, for obvious reasons) tells of a new VP who was hired to oversee his operations, which were a somewhat technical. It was obvious that said manager knew little about what the company did. Whenever someone asked a question, The Manager would reply with phrases such as:
- We need to cultivate back-end channels so we can innovate methodologies that maximize our global supply chain.
- We’ve been concentrating on bricks-and-clicks when it would be more beneficial to incubate next generation e-commerce that transparently visualizes key metrics that allow us to seamlessly leverage robust solutions.
- Once we monetize our leading edge technologies, we can initiate value-added schemas that optimize out-of-the-box ideations which will proactively impact our bottom line, enabling us therefore to unfetter and unleash synergistic platforms.
Now you too can generate meaningless phrases the no-brainer way
By now you’re probably thinking, “Hey, how can I sound important without having to actually, you know, know anything?”
Relax, my friend. Salvation is at hand. Simply visit The Official Internet Bullshit Generator http://www.erikandanna.com/Humor/bullshit_generator.htm and you will never suffer from writer’s block again.
Politicians have been avoiding saying anything of substance for centuries, and they keep getting promoted or reelected.
Business Jargon promises to do the same for marketing communications writers. We may not be able to rule the world, but we can rule the corporation. Go ahead: be an envisioner!
If you know a more efficient way to reach the top without having to learn anything new, I’m all ears.
Image: Gavin Llewellyn via Flickr®
Alan Graner is Chief Creative Officer at Daly-Swartz Public Relations, an Orange County, CA business marketing content and distribution firm. For content that makes you stick out from the crowd, email Jeffrey Swartz at email@example.com. Or visit www.dsprel.com.